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Support for those with nasty, cruel, toxic, abusive MILs & moms


Public description

A place to post about your MIL or Mother who is just the worst. Come for support, come for advice, or just to vent and get it all out. That's what we're here for.#### Description

Boundaries

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1. MIL & Mom-related Posts Only|More specifically, YOUR MIL / Mom. Other people can absolutely be involved but they cannot be given their own thread. Currently step-moms, and grandmothers are included in the umbrella "mom" term. If you know your SO is also part of the problem you're welcome to mention it, but otherwise users are barred from offering SO-related advice. 2. Only MIL/Mom Gets a Nickname|Nicknames are reserved for MILs (or moms). All others must use the acronym dictionary listed in the sidebar or a basic descriptive name (e.g. Father, Best Friend). Please do a search before naming your MIL. FIL names prior to May 2016 are grandfathered in. 3. OP Comes First|Be kind, be respectful, be supportive. Remember the human. OP’s will select a flair for their post indicating the kind of support that they need. Comments that violate the spirit of that request will be removed. You can find more information on post flairs and what they mean in the wiki. 4. One Chapter at a Time| For those who are posting past stories, refrain from creating more than one thread in a 24 hour period per mother-figure. We encourage you to use up all the text space when making your post--don't feel like you need to break a long story into ten chapters when it would fit into one post. No need to apologize for the long post; no one's going to read it who doesn't think it's worth reading, so rest assured you are wasting no one's time! Only one person per account is allowed, and those multiple accounts that are discussing the same person must stick to once a day as well. For those posting live updates requiring immediate guidance, if you are within 6 hours, please update your original post. 5. No "JustNo" Behavior|We have a zero tolerance policy for armchair advice (medical, legal, or otherwise) that is damaging, factually incorrect, or egregiously shitty, sexism, racism, xenophobia, transphobia, ableism, stereotyping, slut/body/kink-shaming, anti-vaxx bullshit, and just generally being a butt. No posting personal info, including faces or identifying tattoos or marks. Any comment with "cartoon-level" violence MUST: A) indicate that you don't actually suggest users do what you suggest, and 2) include actual, usable advice. 6. Use Content Warnings when Applicable|For posts with triggering content a brief description is required in the first line of the post (e.g. CW: Reason). It is recommended to add "Content Warning" or "CW" to your title as well, but not required. Titles containing words that are particularly likely to be triggering (see wiki) will be auto-filtered. 7. We do not allow for posts or comments that request money or gifts.|This includes linking to amazon wishlists, gofundmes, appeals on your profile or subreddit, or links to other sites. We also do not allow commentors to offer money or gifts or to start fundraising on an OP's behalf. This includes DMing an OP or via chats.

####ACRONYMS |||
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(M/F/B/S)IL|Mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law; a preceding S indicates a step relationship. D(H/W/S)|Damn Husband, Damn Wife, Damn Spouse. While in most places it stands for "Dear", there usually isn't a lot of behavior deserving a sweet term of endearment in this sub. Could also stand for "Dear Son/Daughter", usually OP will clarify. SO/OH|Significant Other, Other Half LO|Little One. F (plus acronym)|Future (JustNoMIL is not responsible for any other word you choose to supply here in your mind.) BEC|Bitch Eating Crackers. Someone so irritating that even normal things, such as eating crackers, annoys the shit out of you. LC/VLC/NC|Low-Contact/Very Low-Contact/No Contact, respectively. Used to describe the degree to which one has cut a certain family member out of their lives. May also include SC - Structured Contact, although this one is very rare in our sub. GC/SG|Golden Child, Scapegoat. The Golden Child is the favorite child of the personality disordered MIL. Nothing they do is wrong, so they tend to fall in line and back up MIL. The Scapegoat is the other child (or every other child). Everything is their fault. Scapegoats suffer decades of all sorts of abuse. FM|Flying Monkey. A flying monkey is any person sent by MIL to gather/deliver information or generally wreak havoc. Just like the flying monkeys sent by the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz. JADE|Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. Don't do any of them. Circular logic will be used to reinforce MIL's point of view. State your opinion or boundary clearly, but only once. She heard you. DARVO|Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. What a personality disordered MIL will do if you "catch" her in a lie or confront her with her wrongdoing. You end up the bad guy. FOO|Family Of Origin The people to whom you're related by blood. CBF|Cat-Butt Face. A look of sour disapproval/pissiness mastered by old ladies in which their lips are pursed to resemble a cat's asshole. Grey Rock|A technique to discourage overbearing MIL from taking any interest in you. You are bland, uninteresting, you lack any sort of emotions for her to manipulate. You are the grey rock. FOG|Fear, Obligation, Guilt. The thick miasma of negativity that clouds your judgment in dealing with JustNOs. FLEAS|Not an acronym, just a metaphor for a normal person picking up some disordered personality traits by proximity to a JustNO. "If you lie down with dogs, you'll get fleas."

 

####HELPFUL LINKS & RESOURCES

CRISIS RESOURCES

 

####SISTER SUBREDDIT

  • /r/JustNoSO (For when your SO is actually the problem)

 

####WORDS OF WISDOM

It's easier to dump a mama's boy than to divorce a mama's boy, and both of those are easier than trying to change a mama's boy. ~/u/pastelegg

Abusers are the angler fish of humanity - they dangle a bright glowing ball of love in front of you so you don't see the teeth in the dark. ~/u/silentgreen85

Next time they say, "That's just how she is," reply, "And this is how I am. Are you putting in as much effort trying to change who she is as you are trying to change who I am?" ~/u/Gamez2Go

When you're wearing rose colored glasses, red flags just look like flags. ~/u/jnmlthrow

You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be. ~Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

A gift is not an apology – it is a reward for accepting shitty behaviour. ~/u/particularshadeofblu

Sometimes the parent you wish you had isn’t the parent you do have. ~/u/TwoshittyMILs

The lightning rod isn’t the source of the electricity. You’re not the cause of the shit flung your way. You’re just (unluckily) the target. ~/u/onthestickagain

You cannot convince a brick wall that it is a canary. Even if you paint it yellow. ~/u/xxaos

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